In my therapy practice, I specialize in two distinct areas: couples’ issues and anxiety. One of the reasons I don’t think that I could focus entirely on one clinical issue is that life is complicated, and the different areas of our lives intersect and overlap with each other all the time. If someone struggles to connect with their child and also struggles to appreciate their body the way it is, we could never ignore one of these issues and focus on the other one, they will both connect to each other in some way.

In the same way, anxiety and relationship challenges overlap all the time, because relationships can be really rewarding but also very worrisome too. If you’re trying to grow a lifelong, committed, romantic relationship, how could you not be a little anxious along the way?

But here’s the thing, anxiety doesn’t get to decide the course of your relationship, you do. Also, there are a few considerations to keep in mind about how anxious thoughts and feelings can actually be helpful to your relationship.

1.  If you tend to be a more anxious person, you have talents and skills that other people don’t have, so you can be an asset to your relationship in special and unique ways.

People who feel anxious actually can recognize little problems in their relationships before they develop into bigger issues. That feeling that your partner is mad at you could be all in your head, or it could be an insight that you have because you’re a little bit anxious. So, don’t be afraid to ask them if they are upset! If they say everything’s okay, take them at their word, and if they say that something does have them upset, then you have the chance to support them now and meet them where they are.

2. If you tend to be a more anxious person, you can form deep connections with your partner because you’re so attuned to who they are, how they feel, and what they need.

A certain amount of anxiety is a really good thing! A little anxiety might drive you to check in on your partner more often, do little favors for them throughout the week, or plan your next vacation ahead of time. One of the main goals I have for my clients who struggle with anxiety is to reduce their anxious thoughts and feelings so that they aren’t crippled by them and they’re actually empowered by them. Once your anxiety slows down a little bit you’ll find what an asset that part of your personality truly is.

3. If you tend to be a less anxious person but you are with a more anxious partner, your partner is exactly who you need right now.

This point is directed towards the less anxious partner in your relationship, so hear me out: Your partner’s anxiety might be the saving grace of your relationship. I know, maybe that sounds unlikely, but consider all the things you love about your partner, and I promise you that their anxiety is a part of those traits too. In your relationship, you need a balance of both your personalities. The goal is not to eliminate your partner’s anxiety, the goal is to help them lessen it and use it in a helpful way.

It isn’t easy to understand how you and your partner should manage your collective anxiety and your relationship, but I hope small things like this blog post can help. If you really want to unlock the potential your relationship has and understand how anxiety can improve, rather than harm, your relationship then I hope we can cross paths soon and have a chat about it.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my personal library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but do make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today!