Marriage Counseling
For so many of us, falling in love with someone and being their spouse is one of the happiest memories of our lives. The feeling of being loved is intoxicating in the best way, and we’re amazed how happy we are. However, many of us wake up years later thinking, “Maybe we should call a marriage counselor, or couples counselor…” so, how did we get here?
By now, you’re probably frustrated, and exhausted
Sometimes those strong feelings of love in the beginning can fade and it gets really hard to be together. Somewhere over the years, something changed between you two, and it feels like your spouse isn’t the same person who you fell in love with. Every couple goes through challenges in their relationship, but maybe you and your spouse struggle more than most. Then, you begin to grow apart emotionally and resentment creeps in where love used to be, and you think about marriage counseling for the first time. You wonder, do all couples fight this much? Every couple fights, right?
Then, you can try to make up with your spouse, but you end up fighting even more. So you’re torn between trying fix it again or pretending things are okay to avoid another fight. Maybe you’ve laid awake at night, with your spouse turned away from you in bed, and you don’t know how to get them back. You want to tell them what you’re feeling, but you worry that you’re going to say the wrong thing and make it worse. If you feel this way, it might be easy to blame yourself or your spouse for how your life is right now. But, I promise you that it isn’t all your fault, and it isn’t all their fault, both of you can have a part in the healing process; I encourage you to check out this blog post for more on that topic.
Your relationship has probably been hard for years
Over the years as a marriage counselor, I’ve seen couples spiral in their relationship, and there’s a few distinct patterns I see time and again. One of them is called The Blame Game, where it seems like any conversation we have can turn into a defensive argument. Even something as innocent as deciding what to make for dinner can turn into a blaming, defensive spiral, which leaves both of you exhausted (and hungry too). Or, maybe your spiral looks more like The Pursue-Avoid spiral, where one of you feels like you do all the initiating, the trying to fix things and work out your issues, and it feels like your spouse consistently avoids the conversation, and avoids you too. Lastly, maybe you get stuck in The Standoff Spiral, where you both tiptoe around each other, and we avoid talking about what’s really going on between us. We make small talk about random things, but we avoid real eye contact or connection, because we’re too embarrassed to acknowledge how dysfunctional we are.
Perhaps you’ve experienced all of these spirals recently, but here’s the good news: You don’t have to stop this spiral by yourself, that’s what I’m here for. And, I really enjoy helping couples outgrow these bad habits, and step into a better way of being with each other.
When you feel tense and awkward around each other, every day can feel painful and spending time together can be so challenging. You might find yourself growing apart, and you can wonder, is this the same person I married? Am I same the person they married? We can hardly tell sometimes. Also, it is unfortunately common that when couples are distant, one spouse can fall into infidelity or an affair. When there’s baggage like this you’re dealing with, it can be hard to see any way back to a healthy relationship. But, I promise you, I’ve helped couples recover from emotional abuse, abandonment, and even infidelity, so I can promise you that there is a way back to each other.
It can be fixed, and it’s not too late
No matter how hard things are now, your relationship doesn’t have to bring you so much pain, and it doesn’t have to end in divorce or a breakup. You can benefit from therapy no matter what stage you and your spouse are in, and you definitely don’t have to wait until stage three to change your lives. I have worked with couples in all three stages, and there is hope for all of them. You and your spouse can fix your relationship if you’re willing to work at it.
Marriage counselors like myself use proven methods of healing relationships, and when both spouses are willing to try to fix their relationship, they can restore their relationship with the help of a good therapist. I know that none of us thought we’d need marriage counseling , and we all doubt if our relationship could ever be the same. So here’s the truth: It won’t be the same as it was in the honeymoon stage, but it can be stronger, more mature, and more joyful once you and your spouse grow together and rebuild your relationship together.
You need someone to support both of you
In my work with couples, I’ve had the privilege of seeing couples be vulnerable with each other and learn to trust each other again. I’ve seen couples learn to communicate without fighting and come to enjoy being together again. Couples consistently work with me to fix their problems, when they used to view each other as the problem. I’ve seen marriages and families saved, and I’ve seen lives saved too. Although the process takes effort, it’s worth it. I work best with couples who want to improve their relationship, and I want to be the best resource possible for them. I know that finding a marriage counselor you like and trust can be difficult, so I hope this page has helped you get to know me, and I’d love to get to know you soon too.
If that sounds like something you and your spouse would like to do, you can schedule a phone call for us using the link below.