So I’m going to start this post with a pet peeve of mine: We categorize people too quickly and too often. What I mean is that we separate people into groups as if those groups were ordained by God a thousand years ago, and we don’t recognize how there is a whole range of personalities on earth. So, when I hear someone say “I’m just a perfectionist” or “I’ve just always been anxious person,” my heart breaks for them.

It breaks because this person has been told that in the same way they might have light hair or dark hair, be Jewish or Jamaican, they’re also an anxious person. It’s in their blood, or their lived experiences, or some other place that’s hardwired into them.

And I don’t like this because when we call ourselves “anxious people” we rule out the possibility that we could ever not be anxious, in the same way I will always have brown eyes. As a therapist, part of my mission is to help the world believe that nobody will always suffer from anxiety, and there’s nothing to be done about it.

Now, will some people experience some anxiety throughout their lives, more so than other people? Sure, that’s realistic. But, I don’t believe that you, or anyone you know, is destined to suffer from overwhelming, crushing anxiety for your whole life. You may express your stress by being anxious, but that doesn’t mean that you’re an “anxious person” as opposed to whatever the other category of person is.

So, I want you to imagine two scenarios with me.

In the first scenario, you feel anxious every day, and your mind is always running at 100 miles an hour with anxious thoughts, trying to think about every possible thing that could go wrong so you can prevent it in time. At best, you’re just getting by in life, because so much of your energy is spent fighting your anxiety that there isn’t much left to spend doing what you want in life.

In the second scenario, you feel anxious sometimes, and a few days per month you need to take some extra time to slow down, be with yourself, and maybe ask a friend for help. But, most days, your anxiety is not overwhelming, and instead of your anxiety crushing you into the ground, it feels more like you’re going for a jog with a two pound weight in your hand.

I’m not going to promise you that your anxiety can ever be eliminated or completely fixed, but it is possible for you to be that person in the second scenario, even if you feel like you’re in the first scenario right now. And, anxiety isn’t actually a bad thing, because we need a little bit of anxiety to keep us motivated and alert to what’s happening in our lives.

So, there’s several ways to move from that first scenario to the second scenario, and the one that I trust the most is working with a trusted therapist. Here’s why:

A good anxiety therapist will help you do two things: First, they’ll help you learn some coping skills to get through the day without being overwhelmed by anxious thoughts and feelings. Second, they’ll help you learn where you anxiety really comes from, so that you can address it in your heart and in your soul. This will empower you to look your anxiety in the face and push it to the side rather than trying to outrun it.

And in my heart, when I’m really honest, I don’t want you to call yourself “an anxious person.” I hope, that one day, you can say “Yes, I do feel anxious sometimes; that’s a common way my stress shows up. But, just like everyone else, I can take steps to address my anxiety when it comes up so that I can make my life what it was meant to be.”

Whether you get there through therapy or any other way, I hope to cross paths with you sometime and celebrate how you’re putting anxiety in its place, one day at a time.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today!