The Anxiety Cycle

When I work with a client who struggles with anxiety, it’s rarely a one-time occurrence. Instead, it’s a cycle of events that makes them anxious. Then, when life gets really hard, they just know the anxiety is coming but they don’t know how to deal with it.

And in short, here’s what this anxiety cycle is: Something happens, so you feel anxious, and then as your anxiety rises you do something to try and feel better. But, if you try to feel better by doing something that doesn’t actually address your anxiety, then the cycle is destined to repeat itself. When we choose quick, fake relief, we are destined to never find real, long-term healing.

Here’s a simple diagram to show what I’m talking about:

So, here’s a really common example to demonstrate the cycle: Morgan does not like conflict, and would like to avoid it whenever possible. Morgan’s boss continues to ask too much of him, and he really wishes his boss would consider his current workload before putting more responsibility on him. So, the only way that Morgan can handle his anxiety is to get off work, finally get home, and get some junk food on the way before crashing on the couch just to take his mind off of his work. He can’t be present at home, or do things he enjoys, because he’s so exhausted from his grueling workday.

Or, in an equally unhealthy way, maybe Morgan will ask to be transferred to a new department within his company to avoid his boss, hoping that the next boss is “more understanding” (but really, the next boss would need to read his mind in order to be the boss he wants).

In this cycle, Morgan’s going through a lot, and he’s stressed out. He feels like he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no easy way out. But, nothing he’s done is an actual solution to his anxiety, because the next time he feels anxious about a conflict, he’ll have to avoid it again since he hasn’t found a real way to deal with it.

So how can Morgan actually make progress in decreasing his anxiety, rather than avoiding it? That comes in part two of this post: The Solution to the Anxiety Cycle.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today.