Sometimes, when we try to give marriage advice to each other, we can be a little too broad with our advice. Well-intentioned advice such as “Love your spouse how you want to be loved” can be very helpful, but also that’s a little abstract. So, let’s get practical: Here’s four things that you can do to improve your marriage, and you can do any of them today:

1.     Ask a “Get to know you” question

Oftentimes, once we’ve been married for years, we assume that we know everything about our spouse. And, although you surely know a lot about them, they’ve also changed since you met them in countless ways. So, there is so much value in pretending like you’re just meeting them again, and asking questions to remind yourself of those little things about them. Some of my favorite questions like this are below:

·       Over the course of your life, who have been your three closest friends?

·       What has been your favorite day you’ve had in the last year?

·       If you were on a desert island, what books/movies/albums would you bring?

There is so much value to these simple questions, because it shows your spouse how you’re still interested in learning who they are, no matter how many years you’ve been together.

2.     Have a Screen-Less Night In

Fine dinners and nice dates are wonderful, but I’ve found that the simple nights in are the most important for my marriage. So, once a week when I get home from work, my wife and I “put our phones to bed” and then just spend time with each other. We might cook dinner, go for a walk, read together, or play a game together. And we usually get better sleep on those nights than any other night. In a world desperate to consume your time, setting your focus on each other is crucial for your marriage.

3.     Serve Together

Spending time focused on each other is very good, and we can balance that with time spent doing things together, serving other people. So, when you and your spouse just decide to make a meal for another family, babysit their kids for free, or volunteer with a local charity, you are caring for your marriage incredibly well. If you and your spouse set aside time to do another family a favor, that will only grow the love between you two.

4.     Ask the Deeper Questions

Similar to #1, you might think that you know the answers to these questions, but you also might be surprised. These answers will change over time, so it’s important to ask questions like these on a recurring basis. So, here’s a few of my favorites to keep learning your spouse over and over again:

 What was the best day of your life? What about the worst day?       

If you could say one thing to either of your parents, and they would listen and understand, what would you say?       

What are you most proud of in life?       

What do most people not know about you?

There are also countless lists across the internet of questions like these to consider, so put them to use in caring for your marriage today.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today!