If you’re single, you’ve probably felt the tension of how tough it is to find the right person to marry. It’s easier than ever to find someone to date, but finding the right person to marry can feel next to impossible. And, we’re all searching for that person we’re compatible with; the person we’re confident we will love to love. There are no perfect people, or perfectly compatible people, but it is so helpful to be with someone who you’re compatible with.

So, here are some reasons why having certain things in common with your spouse is so crucial.

1. You’re building a life together, so you should be building the same type of life

As a relationship gets serious, you and your spouse will start thinking about the big picture of your lives, and how you can build a lifelong relationship together. Enjoying time together and having fun together is a good start, but if you’re going to build a life together, you need to be aligned on certain things. If, for example, you’ve been settling into a slow-paced, family-oriented life, and your partner has been pushing for a fast-paced corporate life, it’ll be tricky to figure out what it means to build a life together. So, if you’re in agreement about the type of life you want to build, that will make it so much easier to build your future together.

2. Compatibility eases some of the stress of the relationship

It’s well-known that relationships are hard work, and that healthy, lifelong relationships don’t come easily. But, if you can have some things in common, that can be like starting your relationship with a head start. There will be plenty of opportunities to compromise and sacrifice for each other, and having some things you are fairly aligned on can ease some of this work.

3. With some things, compromise is hard

If you enjoy watching scary movies, and your spouse likes romantic comedies, you can definitely use creativity and compromise to still watch movies together. Some things are fairly easy to compromise on, if you and your spouse do so for each other. However, when it comes to what state to live in, how many kids to have, and what religious faith to live by, it’s tough to find a middle ground. It isn’t impossible, but if you can marry someone who you already have these things in common with, it could save you some hard conversations.

This post is a follow-up to its companion post: Compatibility is Overrated. So, I know that I’m making two opposite points here, and that might seem contradictory. But, the middle ground I’m hoping to land on is this: Compatibility in your major life goals is important, but you shouldn’t build your relationship on surface-level compatibilities.

In any relationship, you will need to sacrifice some of your own preferences, so don’t seek after a “perfectly compatible spouse” in search of a relationship where you don’t need to sacrifice anything. When you and your spouse put each other first, your relationship will flourish, and you will overcome any incompatibilities you face.

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