The goal is this: We will accept that we will feel anxious in some situations, but not avoid any situation that might make us anxious. Instead of running away from our anxiety, we’ll turn, look it in the face, and decide what to do rather than instinctively avoiding it.

So when Morgan feels anxious about a potential conflict with his boss, I’ve got good news, there is a solution to this problem. And here’s the bad news: The solution involves facing that conflict, because only then will he understand that anxiety won’t kill him.

And don’t get me wrong, anxiety usually sucks. It’s uncomfortable, it’s painful, and it’s like our brain is telling us “There’s great danger ahead!” when there rarely is. And it feels so real in that moment, it really feels like there is unbearable pain ahead, and that’s when anxiety gets stronger, when we avoid it out of fear of being crushed by it.

When Morgan has that conversation that could be a conflict with his boss, that’s him riding that wavy line in the middle of the anxiety graph. He’s still anxious throughout that conversation, and in that moment he’s thinking “I should’ve just avoided this conversation because conflict is awful.” But then, something amazing happens: The conversation ends, his boss doesn’t hate him, and the conflict is over. He might get to work fewer hours and have a better work environment too. And then, when the possibility of a conflict conversation comes up again, Morgan might not love it, but he knows that he can handle it. Rinse and repeat this over and over, and life goes from overwhelming to manageable.

So whatever make you anxious, you need to face it if you’re going to not feel as anxious. If you’re scared of being alone, you probably need one night a week to spend with yourself and see that it’s bearable to be alone for a bit. If you’re anxious about social situations, you probably need a little time around people to see that is isn’t as bad as you think it’s going to be. If you’re scared to think about the future because of the anxiety you feel, you should probably talk about that with a close friend soon, and have their support in the struggle.

Deeply, in my core, I want you to experience freedom from your anxiety. And I know that in the short-term, that probably involves feeling more anxiety as you confront some really crappy situations, but I see the long-term benefit and that’s what I’m envisioning in your future. As a therapist, I’m lucky enough to be with my clients in the midst of the hard work, to encourage them along their way, and then see the come out the other side with a better life ahead.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today.