Amongst Christian pastors and authors, Tim Keller has grown in popularity since the turn of the 21^st century as much as anyone I can think of. His sermons and books have circulated widely both within and beyond Christian circles, and I believe they have done so because of his gift for explaining philosophy and theology in a clear, comprehensible way.

The Meaning of Marriage, a joint effort by him and his wife Kathy, exemplifies this gift, as he and Kathy offer a biblical account of how to form a healthy, lasting marriage. To do so, they break down how a marriage must be based in a deep friendship, then it must survive the inevitable challenges which come with marrying a flawed person, and how sexual intimacy serves to represent the oneness which spouses enjoy together. Also, one chapter focuses entirely on singleness, breaking down how to date well and seek a spouse if you desire to be married.

To demonstrate why I highly recommend this book for anyone, I want to highlight two quotes from the book and share what I learned from them.

“If our views of marriage are too romantic and idealistic, we underestimate the influence of sin on human life. If they are too pessimistic and cynical, we misunderstand marriage’s divine origin.”

Keller often shows the two extremes of an argument which we may fall into, and urges us to find a balance between the two. In this example, he explains how if we view marriage as being “the answer” to our lives, we will be perpetually disappointed by our spouse. Inversely, if we view marriage as being a trap which will almost surely fail, we won’t recognize how a healthy marriage can benefit us.

Then, as a more practical talking point, this next quote has impacted my work profoundly:

“If two spouses each say, ‘I’m going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,’ you have the prospect of a truly great marriage.”

For a moment, dream with me. Dream of a life where your spouse wakes up every morning and says “My self-centeredness is the biggest problem in our marriage, so I’m going to fight to love my spouse selflessly today.” Deep down, I think we all crave this marriage, and it starts with ourselves. I promise you that although this may sound impossible, it is possible. Marriages aren’t fixed by spouses pointing fingers at each other; they’re healed when one or both spouses serve each other more than themselves.

The Meaning of Marriage seeks to answer many questions in its pages, and it does so remarkably well. I genuinely believe that everyone can grow as a person by reading this book and taking the Kellers’ words to heart. If you do take the time to read it, please tell me what resonated with you, and how this book impacted you. I pray it teaches you even more than it’s taught me, and I hope that you and your spouse, if have one, see your marriage grow as a result.

Thank you for reading my practice’s blog, my library of all the random thoughts that would make a terrible book but make a halfway-decent blog. To request a session or contact me, head to my Scheduling page to get in touch with me today!