“When life gets tough, you’ve got to face it head on. Don’t run away, be strong and know that you can handle it.” Many times, I’ve heard this sentiment from people who are known as being determined, driven, no-nonsense kind of people. Sometimes, I even come off that way to others, and maybe I am that way at times, especially when I was younger.

But now, I say those words less, because I’ve learned that distracting yourself from your problems is a valuable skill that can be really helpful.

Now, the problems I’m talking about are the bigger ones in life. So when little frustrations come up in the mundane moments of life, you might not need any distraction. You can probably handle those problems as they come, especially if you can keep your emotions stale as you handle them.

So, when it comes to the big problems in life, the ones that feel overwhelming, scary, or insurmountable, some short-term distraction can be so good. Maybe it’s a conversation that you know you need to have but you’re really anxious about how it will go, or it could be anything else that has you feeling anxious and wanting to avoid it entirely.

Let’s say you need to have a tough conversation with your kid tonight, maybe you need to discipline them or have an honest conversation about a way they have hurt someone else. Rather than sit and think about that conversation for the rest of the day until it happens, it would be so much better to get a bit of work done, do something you enjoy, or do something good for your mind and body in the meantime.

This applies on an individual level and in relationships too. If you have an intimidating job to do, breaking that job up into smaller parts can be really good for your emotions. Or, if you’re getting into a heated argument with someone you care about, you might need to take a time out to avoid escalating that into a bigger fight. This skill is crucial to not letting normal, common arguments spiral into a fight.

But, here’s my caveat: The distraction needs to be temporary; you need to return to address the problem rather than avoid it forever. A healthy distraction will help you calm your emotions in preparation for returning to the issue at hand, while avoiding the problem will prevent you from ever making changes for the good in that area of your life.

So when you take a break from that intimidating task or job, commit to restarting it at a certain time. When you need a few minutes to calm down before continuing to talk about something with your spouse, tell them when you want to restart the conversation and stick to it.

When you commit to dealing with the problem later, you may need some support along the way, so maybe you text a friend saying “I really don’t want to deal with this, but I know if I don’t it will just get worse, but I’m going to do it and I’d appreciate it if you could ask me how it went soon.” Then, after taking some time away from yourself, you’ll be in such a better head space to deal with it.

It is not a sign of weakness to take a timeout and catch your breath before you do the hard work of improving your life. It’s a sign of strength to admit you need a distraction, and it’s a sign of tremendous strength to follow through on your commitment to face the problem at hand when you’re ready.

Believe me when I say that if you can master the skill of healthy distraction, your life will benefit in ways you never would have expected.

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